Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?

Likely not, but I can never resist a Pinky and the Brain reference.

Bryan is supposed to come home today. If you've been watching me on Facebook, you'll know he's been gone 125 days. That's a really long time. I know other people do this separation thing for many reasons, and many longer than what I've endured, but for me this is huge.

So is the realization that I'm kind of nervous. I mean, seriously nervous. About my husband coming home.

Why? I love him. If anything this separation has intensified those feelings. I can't wait to have him back. Can't even tell you how great it will be to have parental back up. And I also know in the long run that everything will work out but I can't stop being nervous.

What the heck? Is this common? We're all familiar with the scenes of families greeting returning troops. Hugs. Smiles. Kisses. Tears of joy. I don't see anyone being apprehensive. At. All.

Maybe they hide it well. Maybe I'm just a nutball.

But if you stop and think about us being apart, maybe I can help you understand. He's been living on his own for 4 months. Eating alone. Sleeping alone. Our patterns have been disrupted. And though I tried spreading out and sleeping in the middle of our king sized bed I always gravitated to my side, so I gave it up and let the cat sleep on Bryan's side. (Inigo has since moved to sleeping across my feet--seriously bedtime is such a joke. I have a king sized bed and me, the dog, and the cat are all curled up on my side)

Life has gone on for us at home, too. School started. The girls' classes started. Seminary. We have new patterns, patterns that don't include Dad. He's going to come home and we're all going to have to readjust, re-adapt. Change. It's not just a matter of adding his dishes to the dirties, or his laundry schedule to ours, or setting him a place at the table. And no, it's also not a complete upheaval of our lives. But it's an adjustment. A change. And we're all going to have to deal with it. Probably in different ways and in different times. There are 7 of us after all.

Then there's the other stuff. The couple-y stuff. I haven't been kissed romantically in 125 days. I haven't been held. And for him it's the same. Nobody's just held his hand because she wants to. Nobody's kissed his cheek because it's there. (And that's all the detail you're getting on a PG rated blog)

So, I'm nervous. I know it will all work out but I'm still nervous. Excited, but full of anxiety too.

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