Tuesday, October 1, 2013

What is Wrong with Me?

Sometimes I just don't know what to make of myself. Seriously. I have conversations in my head, play out what the characters would say to one another in any given scene, run the plot down over and over to come up with the right pacing and everything.

Then I sit at my computer. And. Do. Nothing.

I open my documents and set myself up to write. I scroll to where I stopped last time and click the cursor into position.

But I don't write.

The act of putting these thoughts on screen (paper) freezes me.


I've published 3 books. It's not like I can't come up with the words. I'm not stuck in an endless cycle of writer's block or anything. So why can't I just write. the. words?

It's driving me absolutely crazy. I'm too embarrassed to admit the days I have wasted while the kids have been at school, not counting the days one or more has been home sick or the days I've had the truck in the shop. I mean perfect writing days where I have nothing else to do but spend hours in front of my computer.

Not writing.

Right now I'm looking at the clock at the bottom of my screen and the kids will be home in about an hour. After that I'm on the go until they snuggle into bed around 9. By then I'm so wiped I'm good for about 30 min and I slip into bed myself. With the goal and the desire to get up and write in the morning.

But I won't. Because all this time has passed and I haven't.

Is it self doubt? Am I frozen by the idea of trying to top my previous works? I don't think so. It doesn't enter into conscious thought, at least.

Mel, I may need a boot to the head. :/


Mel Chesley said...

Well, I won't give you a boot to the head. I will say this, though. You're putting far too much pressure on yourself. You can't write if you start to stress over NOT writing. Don't go to bed with the intention of waking up and writing. Make notes throughout the day, but go to bed and tell yourself, "If I write, I write. If not, no big deal." Plan something else for the day. Something you won't be upset over if you end up writing, but something "fun" to take your mind off the focus of having. To. Write.

Gaurav said...

Just sit back, relax and do some yoga, You can learn it from youtube videos. It can improve the way you communicate with yur mind.

Anonymous said...

"Then I sit at my computer. And. Do. Nothing." That sounds like me. But I'm a pacifist, so no boot to the head from this direction.

Cheri Chesley said...

You guys are great, thanks. And I actually have considered learning yoga off of you tube. :)

Probably the key thing is making writing fun again. I keep trying to assign myself tasks like a job because I want to treat it professionally, but then I just end up sapping all the fun out.