Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Day 123

Today is day 123 of my concussion recovery. For 122 days, I've had a nonstop headache. Other symptoms come and go, but that's the constant.

Do you realize that's 1/3 of the year?!

I started this post yesterday, but I'd slept horribly the night before and the post was not coming off in any way I liked--so I deleted it. Today I'm starting fresh.

This recovery/convalescence has been hard, not just for me, but also for my family. They're weary of picking up the slack for me, though they continue to do so because they love me. But I can tell it's getting to them.

It's getting to me, too.

For four months I've babied my brain, resisted things that increase my pain levels, and basically taken it super easy while my brain healed every so s-l-o-w-l-y. I've tried hard not to push myself into more damage, or more problems.

And I'm not here to say that's all over, because to ignore the indicators that I've done too much would be foolish. But I am going to adjust my priorities some. For one, I'm going to start going to church again. Even though it's hard. Even though it may mean I'll be in lots of pain for the few days afterward. Because I'm tired of missing it. And because I need to get out more. I'm going totally stir crazy.

I'm going to write more. For about the last 6 weeks or so, I've written very little or not at all, while spending a lot of time browsing the internet, keeping up with Facebook, and generally filling my days with a lot of nothing. I don't want to do that anymore. My brain has healed to the point that the idea train is running again, and I want to focus on something productive since I still can't work.

I'm going to get on the treadmill at least once a day. Even if I only last three minutes, I'm still going to walk some. My body needs to move.

In the back of my mind still lurks the possibility that this may be as good as it gets, recovery-wise. This may be my new normal. I'm coming to terms with that idea, but I'm not going to let it paralyze me. That's a bridge I'll cross when I have to, and not before.

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