How I Both Won and Lost NaNoWriMo

I wrote 62,700 words from November 1 to November 30, 2013. I wrote almost every day, save Sundays, whether it was just a couple dozen words or a few thousand. I started at the beginning and worked my way through.

And still I lost.

But I won at the same time.

First I want to explain the way I lost. You see, I actually set a goal to write *2* books in November for a total of 100,000 words. I set up an alter ego on the NaNoWriMo site and uploaded that book’s progress separately from the book I worked on under my own name.

I failed. I didn’t make it. I didn’t even finish either book. During the month I switched from one to the other as the mood struck. Both stories deal with difficult topics but are otherwise nothing alike. Yet as long as I wrote consistently I was able to keep each story straight and it was awesome. Those first two weeks I burned through the pages.

Then I started slacking off. Doctor appointments for the kids, calls from the school to bring medications or whatnot, pretty much anything started interfering with my writing time. But the plan I had was solid. I could still catch up. I could still make my goal.

Until I just couldn’t anymore. So I still have two rough drafts to finish and it’s December. I had other plans for December, not the least of which was publishing my little Christmas short story and offering my books for sale for the holidays.

Now I’m going to tell you how I won. I wrote 62,700 words in November. That’s a personal best. I’ve never written that much in a single 30 day period. Never. I’ve hardly written anything since my husband went up north in August for work. I mean, a few thousand words maybe in 3 months but nothing to write (ooh, punny) home about.

But the actual words aren’t why I’m counting the victory. I reopened the vault within, refocused my creative energies, and actually made progress on *3* novels—not just the 2 NaNo books.

And all that great stuff that I plan to unleash on my poor unsuspecting characters is waiting in the wings for me to do just that. And I have 3 weeks before the kids get out of school. That’s 7 hours a day x 5 days a week x 3 weeks = 105 hours that are just mine. Sure, kids will get sick or injured, or forget something and responding to it will throw off my groove. My husband is expected home during that time and yeah, that’s going to mean less writing time.

But just think of what I can accomplish with even 80 hours. I’m going to continue the process that I started in November. I’m going to complete those novels.

And then I’ll look at them in January and probably red pen a couple hundred pages. But at least I’ll have something to edit, right?

Awake

I dreamed about my dad last night. This may not seem unusual to you, but it's epic for me.

My dad died 30 years ago this coming May, and in all that time I've never dreamed about him. He's never even been a peripheral character in my dreams. And last night's dream wasn't anything particularly poignant, he didn't have anything earth-shattering to tell me. What I remember is we were in a group of people and he was sitting on the arm of a chair smiling at me. Just smiling. I don't remember him ever looking so happy, so radiant. I don't even think he said anything directly to me in the entire dream.

The significance is that he was there. A few years ago, during a priesthood blessing, I was told that my dad was proud of me. It was the first glimpse of contact from him that I can remember since he died. I was also told that he wanted to be here with me, to help me, but that the Lord was holding him back. At first, I admit it, I was confused and a little hurt by that. Why would God keep my dad from me like that? I knew He did it for a greater purpose, something I didn't understand at the time, but it still hurt.

I took "holding him back" to mean "preventing his presence." Now I think "holding him back" meant "reserving him for the right time."

Lately I've been struggling more than I feel I should to fulfill my purpose. It shouldn't be this hard, especially since all the pieces are in place now, or at least appear to be. I'm not working, so I have time to write. I'm not sick, so I have energy to write. Sure, the computer isn't fixed yet but that's me being a chicken. All I really have to do is put in the new motherboard and plug everything in. (maybe part of my worry is that it won't work even after all that) And I can still continue to use the laptop even though it's power isn't reliable and it hurts my back to sit and type at it. Because of its power issues, the laptop has to be used at a desk or a table. I can't sit it on my lap and recline somewhere comfortable, which kind of stinks.

But every day that I don't get some writing work done, I go to bed feeling down on myself. What am I not doing right? What key puzzle piece am I missing? The desire is there, especially when I go to bed. The time exists.  What's holding me back? I've been puzzling over this for weeks now.

Last night I had something of an epiphany about my attitude, and went to bed all excited to get up and begin the day fresh today. Last night I also got to see my dad. And this morning, while checking my email, I got a great confidence booster from a sweet friend.

All these things aligned so perfectly to set my attitude for the day. Although I didn't get up as early as I wanted to (silly cat), I still felt like I could accomplish something today--and any movement in the right direction is progress.

Meh-ish

I want so badly to share good news with you today. Rest assured I'm still moving onward and upward, as they say. It's just that I feel like I'm moving in a pool of molasses.

That is, s-l-o-w-l-y.

Thanks to everyone who responded so positively to my POST last week. I'm still in that mind set and still working toward my goals. School is about to start and my assistant is going to be swamped with calls and schedulings for my personal visits to wherever and whenever.

So if you live within 100 miles of Waurika, OK and want an author to come to your school or your kid's school, give me a shout-out. I love talking to kids--they have so much energy and enthusiasm and we have a ton of fun together. That part of being an author is not about selling books for me. It's about inspiring the upcoming generations to follow their dreams and be better, smarter, fuller.

I'm working feverishly on the ABSOLUTE FINAL read-through for The Tyrant King print version. It is literally the only thing I can focus on, which is making the rest of my life kind of crazy. So, in short, I *have* to finish it this week or I will probably go crazy. Fine. CraziER. ;)

Happy Tuesday!